The Singapore exchange program successfully changed something as I wished. Actually I don’t really know what I am going to do tomorrow. I have to push myself to consider about it. Push me by some chance. It brings about so many problems, like if I will go abroad for study, which I cannot figure out now. But a choice must be made at once.

I have found that the reason why I could not make sure what I’m going to do is I have a poor understanding of this world, a person’s life. Specifically, it means what a challenge the future, entering the society is. As a result, I could not make any decisions (to choose a supervisor). If any, I am easily affected by others (to learn DL and put it off).

There’s a lot I have not considered. Will I get into the trouble of shortage of money? Will there be innumerable useless work for a graduate to do in Chinese universities, like focusing on number of papers to compete, or move bricks without making progress in science? What if I can’t change after undergraduate years to find someone (or a devoting project)?

The first step is to search for information and know about all these. Try everything, ever time to search online, to ask somebody else (to know them) about study and as an adult.

How can I prepare for CET-6? How can I dive into academic English and make a plan for the next 4 months? What is next step of modelling work? What can I do to prepare for the exchange? What should I do to be a recommended exam-free graduate? What about academic expression (write for zhufeng journal and speaking)? What can I say after I year when talking with future supervisor?

As for those that cannot be decided, just try something to do. How will my talk with Prof. zhao and will I try to stay in that brand-new area? And hopefully everything will go on track soon and I keep going in it without hesitation.

I could not help starting to read zhihu or weixin passages or something before getting into work and wasted much time. Playing basketball in dorm was also a pleasure. I don’t want to concentrate on anything. This is nothing but a waste of time to be initiatively stopped. The only solution is to force myself. I failed to do this before I came back home yesterday, while I feel better now after reading cheng’s messages with literatures in Chinese. I must hold on, presist, to face the upcoming semester.

And there will be no time for listening to books. They are merely for killing time too. I finally get rid of it these days and it won’t be a problem in a regular semester. I will just take a control in the next few days. NBA lives are the same. Just check it before the study.

In all, everything is caused by arrogancy and childishness after high school, shown as laziness and unwillingness to explore the world. I have to admit, that it is the reason of everything. So find a supervisor.

The new me is starting now. It is a pity that I did not overcome laziness in this valuable summer, thus did hidden things and gave up, which means though I matched forward, I was beat by the stronger.

In a word, hard to be content, relieved to know something about myself.

p.s. a way to promote writing skills is, to write initiatively and be willing to polish it, thus look up for more concise vocabulary. But writings still have to be judged by readers for readability.